I think in the whole dictionary, this one word, "maybe" holds both hope and grief at the same time. Whenever I’m unsure what to say, I usually go with maybe. Like the day before exams, when I look at all the hard topics and quietly tell myself, maybe it won't come in the exam (spoiler: it almost always does, but that's not the point).
It's just that this one word… it feels like a soft place to land. It’s full of hope. Or maybe, sometimes, it hides a bit of fear, too. Or doubt. Or the feeling of not being ready to say yes or no. Just maybe.
Now that I'm thinking about it, I've realized I say "maybe" a lot. Like just yesterday, I was lying on my bed, thinking, maybe I should buy some art markers and start drawing again. It's been ages since I picked up a pencil. But then again… I know myself. It's probably not happening anytime soon. Still, just the thought of starting something I've been putting off for so long it felt nice. Like the idea was stretching out its hand. "Maybe" has kind of become my comfort zone. Not a yes, not a no, just a soft little space to breathe in.
Sometimes, maybe feels like a tiny kind of hope I hold onto when I don't have the energy for anything else.
Like - Maybe one day it won't hurt this much.
Maybe someday I won't overthink this memory so much.
Maybe I'll find what I've been quietly looking for, even if I don't know exactly what it is yet. And on good days? Maybe I'm already becoming someone I'd be proud of.
That version of me is a little more healed, a little more sure, a little more okay, maybe she's already waiting for me, just a few steps ahead.
I don't always believe it fully. But maybe is enough for now.
And sometimes, maybe sounds like little promises I haven't said out loud yet.
Like- Maybe I'll start another blog series like "Parallel Me" again. Or maybe I already am, in bits and pieces. Maybe I'll finally open up that sketchpad I keep pretending I don't see. Maybe this blog, this exact one, will be one of those little things I'll look back at and smile.
It's funny how "maybe" holds so much. Worry, hope, delay, excitement, everything, all at once. And I think that's why I keep going back to it.
Of course, maybe also shows up when I'm being totally chaotic.
Like- Maybe I should cut my hair again at 3 AM. Maybe I'll just spend all my money on random cute things I don't need but absolutely need. Maybe I'll reorganize my entire room at midnight because my life feels like a mess, and this is my solution.
These aren't always the smartest ideas… but in the moment, they feel like little acts of survival. Of trying to feel better. Of don't want to do something, anything, to feel like I have some control.
So yeah, maybe is a little unhinged sometimes. But it's mine.
The other day, I came across a quote that said, "You can never gain cold, you can only have an absence of heat." It made me wonder, maybe hatred isn't something that truly exists either. Maybe it's just the absence of love.
People are often called complicated. But then again, I've seen them carve little hearts into tree bark or scratch their initials onto the corners of desks, tiny acts of wanting to be remembered. And I think… maybe people aren't so complicated after all. Maybe they just don't want to be forgotten.
Sometimes life feels like this: " ; " - a semicolon. It seems like an end, but it's really just a pause.
Maybe life isn't about becoming something new. Maybe it's about unbecoming everything I never really was, just so I can slowly return to who I was always meant to be.
Because maybe, someday, in one of those quiet nights when time feels still, the universe will gently kiss my eyelids and whisper back twice the love I gave away.
Because it turns out, I've been borrowing grief from the future, preparing myself to lose the things I love, instead of simply basking in their light while I still have them.
Maybe I don't want to do that anymore.
So yeah… maybe life is a mess. Maybe I am, too. But maybe that's okay. Maybe I'll keep changing my mind, overthinking at 2 AM, crying because I dropped my food, laughing five minutes later because a cat meme made me forget why I was sad in the first place. Maybe I'll never have it all figured out.
But I'll keep showing up. I'll keep writing, loving, laughing like an idiot, giving people weird nicknames, and trying again. And somewhere deep inside, maybe, I still believe something good is out there, quietly waiting for me to notice it.
And if you're reading this, I hope you feel the sunshine too, even if it's just a little.






